


three days after she left;

by prouveyrac



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Episode: e060-066 The Stolen Century Parts 1-7, Hurt/Comfort, taako is tired and upset and angry, takes place after lup disappears, the blupjeans is on the side but it's def there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-15 00:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16923528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prouveyrac/pseuds/prouveyrac
Summary: It was always Taako and Lup. It was always Taako and Lup; that is, until it wasn’t.“It’s been almost three days, and you’re already running yourself dry. All of this, already destroying yourself over her, is that what Lup would want?”





	three days after she left;

**Author's Note:**

> i'm still getting used to writing for taz balance but im having a really fun time with it!!! this one again is a bit angsty but i wasn't able to stop thinking abt it since i finished "the stolen century"/balance

It was always Taako and Lup. 

It was always Taako and Lup; that is, until it wasn’t.

Lup had been missing for sixty-eight hours. Taako couldn’t keep track of the minutes. Each one dragged on like it just wanted to _ remind _ him that his sister was missing, that something wasn’t right in the world and, because of that, it couldn’t progress correctly anymore.

Their worlds barely progressed correctly anymore. Whose could, after countlessly ending and beginning again?

But this was different. 

When their cycles would begin again, Taako could count on Lup being there. Even now, when they’ve managed to divide the Light of Creation into things they created (unimaginable things, devastating things, war-causing and killing and endangering and  _ their fault _ and-), Lup was meant to be there. They finally had somewhere that they knew wouldn’t be destroyed in a year and, even if it wasn’t home, it was… somewhere.

Somewhere that Lup was meant to be, and somewhere that Lup wasn’t.

“She’s gone.” Barry’s voice had been empty that morning when he said it.

“What?” Taako had asked, barely conscious when he walked into the kitchen.

Barry had been standing with his back to Taako; he’d known them for so long, he didn’t even have to turn around to see who it was. He knew Taako would be the first person to hear it.

“Lup,” Barry had said. “She’s gone.”

Taako just blinked, positive he wasn’t hearing Barry correctly (Lup couldn’t be gone, Lup was _ Lup  _ and Lup was too free-spirited for even Taako to contain, but she couldn’t be _ gone _ ) and then Barry, looking over his shoulder, his eyes barely visible behind his glasses, held up a piece of paper.

_ Back soon, _ her note had said.

_ She’s gone. Back soon.  _

_ Gone _ and  _ soon _ , Taako quickly realized, were words that held no actual meaning. What did  _ gone _ and  _ soon _ even mean? Did  _ gone  _ mean never to be found, or just away for a little while? 

Did _ soon _ mean a day, a week, a year?

Never?

It wasn’t much, but Taako liked  _ missing _ better.  _ Missing _ meant that Lup would be found. Missing people were found; people who were gone were just… that: gone.

Taako swallowed thickly and rubbed his eyes. It was dark outside the Starblaster, but the flickering lights above him did enough to let him see the map him and Barry had made that night.

Every time the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet decimated a town, it left a large, black circle of glass in its place. And, three nights ago, the city of Cordelia had become just a large, black circle. The death toll was in the thousands and… and Taako saw how it destroyed Lup, no matter the face she put on, and that destroyed  _ him _ .

_ “I couldn’t have done any of this without you,” _ she had said.

Just damage. The Phoenix Fire Gauntlet was just damage.

_ “I wouldn’t have made it here without you,” _ she had said.

Lup hadn’t planned for any of this, but  _ this _ was better than the Hunger, right?

_ “I know we don’t say this enough, but…,”  _ she had said.

Taako could’ve helped her.

_ “Thank you,”  _ she had said.

Lup was missing and, looking at this fucking map with all its fucking black circles and red strings connecting the circles and the stupid fucking flickering light, Taako had no clue what the fuck he was doing.

You know what? Fuck them. Fuck everyone. Fuck this. Fuck the Light for being so desirable and fuck the Hunger for never getting off their fucking back and fuck all of them for making the relics and fuck the people of this fucked up world for wanting the relics and fuck Barry for finding her note first and fuck Lup for leaving and fuck him for not being able to do anything and-

“ _ Fuck! _ ” Tako shouted, swiping the map off the table. It flittered to the ground, its markers going flying across the room, and Taako watched as they slid across the floor, only stopping because of the socked feet that they hit.

Taako looked up, and Barry, bleary-eyed, looked back.

“Taako,” he said, his voice even more gravelly than it usually was, “It’s three-A.M.”

Taako’s throat was tight and he had to clear it twice to be able to speak. “Not like I need to sleep,” he said with a shrug.

“But you should.” Barry looked around at the mess Taako had made of the common room. He ran a hand down his face. “You really should.”

“I don’t need to,” Taako repeated, already retrieving the map from the floor. He heard Barry sigh as he smoothed it back out on the table.

“It would help, though.”

“What would help is finding Lup.” 

Barry was silent for a moment. “Taako-”

Taako shook his head with a breathy laugh, staring down at the map. “She’s not that fast, Barry,” he said. “She couldn’t have gotten far.”

Down the hall, he heard two of the dorms’ doors open.

“Who the fuck is up right now?” Merle.

“I- I think it’s Taako and Barry.” Lucretia.

Taako clenched his fists and, in the progress, wrinkled the corners of the map.

Fuck everyone for not looking with him. Fuck everyone for sleeping and continuing on as if their world wasn’t falling apart with each footstep that Lup took farther away. Fuck everyone for being able to sit down while Taako stared tiredly at circles and strings, trying to make fucking sense of it all.

“Taako,” Barry repeated, walking further into the common room.

Taako’s head shot back up to look at Barry. “Oh, don’t wear out my name, dear,” he said, unable to keep the sneer from his voice. “If you have something to say, say it.”

“You need- you need to rest, Taako,” Barry said, and Taako hated his pity. “We can continue looking in the morning-”

“In the morning?” Taako interrupted. “When she could have gotten farther? When she could’ve done something or someone could’ve done something to her or she could be-?” He broke himself off and huffed. “I’m not stopping,” he finally continued, crossing his arms. “If you’re not planning on helping, then let me do this.”

Barry frowned. “Of course I’m going to help,” he said.

“Then do it.”

“In the morning,” Barry pressed. “We can’t do anything when we’re- when we’re exhausted and barely seeing straight and-”

“Well we can’t do shit to help Lup if we’re sleeping!” Another door down the hall opened. More murmurs that Taako didn’t pay attention to. “Sorry, Barry, but I’m not sitting back while everyone else-”

“Who’s sitting back?” At Barry’s defensive tone, Taako snapped his mouth shut. “Taako, we’re all trying to find out where Lup went. We searched for  _ hours _ today, going miles and miles out, we’re doing what we can!”

“Well I’m doing more!” Taako snapped. “You know fucking better than anyone that I won’t stop until I can find her!”

“And you’re barely surviving it!” Barry exclaimed. “You’re not sleeping or meditating or resting or whatever you need to do. You’re not eating or sitting down or taking a moment to breathe. It’s been almost three days, and you’re already running yourself dry.” He swallowed. “All of this, already destroying yourself over her, is that what Lup would want?”

At that, something in Taako snapped. Whether it was exhaustion or the tension or the guilt that he tried to swallow, he was shouting before he even had the chance to think about it.

“What the  _ fuck _ do you know about Lup? What do _ you _ \- She’s my sister, okay? My fucking sister! I know who she is better than anyone here and- and she left! She fucking left and I know fuck-all what to do about it and- and who are _ you _ to say that you know what she wants? She didn’t even fucking tell  _ me _ what she was going to do! But- oh, yeah,  _ you’re _ the one who knows what she would want and  _ you _ found her note first and she tells  _ you _ everything and you two  _ always _ plan things together before including any of us! And- And she fucking left, and we don’t know where she is, and that’s really fucking shitty, and fuck you if you think I’m gonna stop looking for her!”

Taako sucked in a sharp breath that rattled him to his core. His eyes were hot, his vision just beginning to mist. His hands were shaking and he could feel the energy pulsing through them, pulsing through him so powerfully that his head throbbed.

He was tired. He was tired, and frustrated, and didn’t even know if he meant anything that he said, and so. Fucking. Tired.

In the doorway behind Barry, Taako realized the audience they had acquired. The remaining IPRE members watched as Taako, after blinking his eyes repeatedly, glared. From the looks on their faces, Taako had a feeling that they saw everything they needed to.

Barry gaped, and Taako looked anywhere but at him.

“Taako,” Lucretia said softly. She would’ve barely been heard if it wasn’t for the deafening silence that fell over the remaining six.

“You know what, whatever,” Taako muttered, throwing his hands up from the map. “Fine. Whatever.”

“Taako,” Barry started, trailing off as Taako shouldered past him.

* * *

 

Lup had been missing for three days, seventy-two hours in total, and Taako was staring at the ceiling of his dorm when he heard the knock on his door.

“Taako-” Barry’s voice came from the other side “-It’s me. Uh, Barry.”

Taako huffed out something of a laugh. He’d known Barry for a century now; it wasn’t like he would forget his voice in a couple hours.

“Yeah?” Taako responded, keeping his eyes up.

“Can I, uh, come in?” A pause. “Please?”

At that, Taako sat up. The tie that had held his hair up had come loose when he (rather ungracefully) threw himself onto his bed and, now, his hair fell into his eyes. He ran his hand through it, looking around his room and at the ceiling and the floor and anywhere but the door and-

“Yeah, sure,” he finally said.

The door opened and Barry shuffled in. He, too, looked around at Taako’s room and the ceiling and the floor before, finally, at Taako. “Can we talk?”

Taako, after a beat, nodded and shifted his legs, crossing them under him. “Sure,” he said, and Barry sat down in the newly-created space on Taako’s bed. The sun, having only just risen, sent a light yellow glow into the room.

“Taako, listen-”

“I didn’t mean it, okay?” Taako interrupted. “I’m not some jealous asshole or whatever that gets annoyed that Lup likes you. You’re _ family _ , Barry. I just- I didn’t mean it, okay?”

Barry nodded. “I know,” he said softly. “I’m not mad at you.”

“Oh.” Taako looked down at his hands, suddenly more interested in the rings he had forgotten to take off. “Okay.”

“And I know that you’re hurting,” Barry continued and Taako half-heartedly laughed. He had never been one to lay his feelings out for all the world to see, and now he’d done it in a night.

“Yeah, hard not to notice,” he muttered.

“No, before this,” Barry said, and Taako looked up again. “With the relics and… shit, everything that has been going on, I think I’d be more worried if you were actually fine. You...” He sighed. “You don’t have to hide things, Taako.”

Taako scoffed. “Hiding things is kinda what we do.”

Barry nodded. “I know,” he said. “But you don’t have to. Neither of you had-  _ has  _ to. Even if- even if it’s just me you tell…. Lup’s the love of my life, and I will always be there for her, but you’re my family, too.”

Taako bit his bottom lip, looking away again. “You know,” he said, “It’s really annoying that you know us so well.”

Barry let out a laugh, and Taako found that he was smiling, too. “A century with the two of you will do that,” he said.

“A blessing for you, really,” Taako murmured, running his hand over the quilt of his bed. “We’re fucking delights.”

Barry laughed again, louder this time, realer this time. “That you two are,” he said.

After that, just for a moment, the conversation trailed off, and Taako thought he felt something like normalcy again. 

Even if Lup was his constant, he had to admit that Barry was second on that list.

“You know Lup would want you to be happy,” Barry suddenly said, quietly. 

Barry saying something like that was what caused Taako to explode in the first place but, now, in the soft light of the morning and the acceptance of the heaviness in his bones and heart, Taako couldn’t deny it.

“She wouldn’t want to see you hurting,” Barry continued. “She wants nothing more than for you to be happy.”

Taako sighed, ignoring the shakiness of his breath and the way his vision started to mist again. He blinked. “I know,” he finally said, his voice barely over a whisper. “But I want her to be happy. And I don’t want her to be hurting. And-” He paused for a moment, composing himself. “And I could’ve helped her.”

“I know, Taako. I-I wanted to help her, too,” Barry said. “But I think- I think she has something in mind that she thinks only she can do.”

Taako shook his head. “But that’s never _ been  _ us before,” he pressed, trying to keep the desperation from his voice. “It’s never  _ not  _ been her and me. We- We’re Taako and Lup. We do everything together. We raze buildings and steal shit and-” He swallowed thickly. “-And help each other.”

He sighed again, running his hand through his hair as he sat on his next words. Barry, patiently, waited. “I have to be honest, Barry,” he finally continued. “I’m mad that she left. I’m mad that she didn’t tell anyone, didn’t tell _ me _ . I’m mad that she thinks she can do this with no help because, trust me, she’s  _ more than capable _ , but that’s not the point.”

“It’s the Taako-and-Lup Package Deal,” Barry said. “Why do something hard by yourself when the two of you can make it easier?”

It was Taako’s turn to laugh, and Barry’s to smile. “Exactly,” Taako said. “I… I’m mad that it’s not us doing whatever shit she has planned. But, most of all… I’m mad that I can’t do anything about it.”

Barry nodded and sighed. “I get it, Taako,” he said, “But I don’t think any of us expected this.”

“She was so… heartbroken, Barry,” Taako said. “The last time I saw her. She was so upset. And she… she thanked me. For everything. I should’ve known then that something was wrong. I could’ve… I don’t know, done something.”

“Maybe,” Barry said. “But you know Lup. She’ll always find a way to do what she wants.”

Taako laughed slightly. “Yeah, I’ve realized.”

Another moment of silence.

“You know we’re all doing everything to find her,” Barry said.

Taako nodded. “I know,” he said. “I said I didn’t mean it… what I said. I’m just...”

“You’re tired,” Barry finished for him. “And frustrated, and upset. We can all see that, Taako, and we all want to help, and we all want Lup back. We’re going to do everything we can, no matter what it takes or for how long.”

Taako nodded.

Barry then sighed and stared upwards, shutting his eyes. “It’s only been three days,” he said, “But it feels like a lifetime.”

Taako nodded again.

“We’ll find her,” Barry continued, looking back at Taako. “And we’ll all be back together again.”

Taako hummed in agreement.

“But I, uh, should get back to my room,” he said, standing. “Long night, long day ahead of us, and at least one of us has to be conscious for it.”

It wasn’t until Barry was halfway out of Taako’s room that Taako stopped him. “Barry?”

Barry looked over his shoulder at Taako, an eyebrow raised.

Taako took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

Barry smiled. “I know.”

Taako narrowed his eyes. “You know, Barold, you could at least act shocked and gratified.”

Barry laughed, shaking his head. “Oh, Taako, I’m pleasantly surprised,” he said. “Try to get some rest, okay?”

“Okay,” Taako said and, with that, Barry let the door shut behind him.

Taako, after a moment, flopped back down on his bed.

They were going to find Lup, no matter what, no matter how long is took.

* * *

 

Taako forgot about Lup. Taako forgot about Lup for a long time. 

Taako, in the sixty seconds it took for him to remember everything, remember  _ Lup _ \- it nearly killed him from the inside out.

She had been there all along. She might have been lost, been gone, for over a decade, but, for the past year, she had been by his side. In the Umbrastaff. In the fucking ridiculous Umbrastaff.

Well, Taako had said that he would do whatever it took to get Lup back, so it seemed that Lup would just have to get a new staff.

Hearing his sister, his  _ lich _ sister, shout,  _ “You’re dating the Grim Reaper?” _ wasn’t quite what he expected, but it felt right. It was a very Lup-entrance, if he was being quite honest.

It was always Taako and Lup and, he swore, if they managed to make it out alive, he decided it was going to stay Taako and Lup.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!!
> 
> actuallygansey.tumblr.com


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